Urgh, horses. Large and pushy and they make my clothes smell musty and jeez, could they get up any earlier in the morning?
Urgh, horses. I was up late last night and normal people sleep in their beds until six or seven or maybe even eight. If they don’t have kids/desk jobs they’re sleeping until one or so. Daylight is for losers. That’s my life. I want it back.
Urgh, horses. I have to get on that thing? A two year old? Are you freaking kidding me? Do I look like I’m eighteen? Do I look like I care? Do I look like I bounce?
Urgh, horses. It’s 20 degrees outside, did you know? Do you care? I don’t have a face mask. I don’t know where face masks COME from. The backstretch face mask fairy? He doesn’t come to Park Slope. Never saw him in Florida, either, but that goes without saying.
Urgh, horses. Stop bouncing under me, filly. Just freaking walk a straight line. Just keep your four feet on the ground. Sit on your ass, don’t be throwing your back up at me. Dirty little thing. Just what I want, to get up at four o’clock in the morning so a snotty little baby can dump me in the dirt.
Yes, that’s a person. Yes, that’s a mile pole. Yes, that’s another horse. Yes, that’s a starting gate. Aren’t we ignorant today. STOP BOUNCING. I MEAN IT!
Oh, that’s a nice trot.
Well done, my dear.
Oh, aren’t we arching our neck like a little FEI horse.
You went right past that scary bag! You’re SO BRAVE. Ooooh here comes someone around the turn, this will be very scary – here, put your nose towards the rail, no need to look at the scary breezing horse. Goodness he looked like a fool, didn’t he?
That looked like fun, didn’t it…?
You were lovely, lovely! That’s it, we’re done. Going in.
That was lovely. Where’s my nose? The rest of me is warm, but damn if I can feel my nose.. Oh, horses..
Where’s my next horse?